Day 7

I woke up this morning, barely breathing. My lungs were on fire. "Oh no, nononononooooo" I thought. In 2 days I started my job and couldn't afford to be sick. I felt like hell. The whole house was sick, but the girls were feeling better. Luckily my mother packed me some medicine, so I basically overdosed myself.

You know when you have a fever, you start hallucinating? I was laying in my bed just thinking. When I'm sick, I also get into a depression. I was looking around my room. It was dark, small and because I don't have enough furniture, my room is quite clutsy. I mind started to race ... What did I get into? Will my life be better here? I started to freak out. I felt lonely. I started to miss my family, friends and mainly Noix.

At the end of the day I was getting irritated. The street was really loud and I couldn't really sleep. I got no rest so my mood went way down low. So I watched my favorite shows.

As only some of you know, I am a reality show freak. Like the real deal reality shows. Real Housewives, Mob Wives, Basketball Wives, Chicagoliscious etc. I know, it's dumb, but the people's psychology fascinates me. What kind of people go there? And especially if you come from circles like that, why would you humiliate yourself and go on such a shows? I watched Real Housewives of New York. Of course. I love watching the streets they're in, the clothes, cars and apartments. Their life seems so easy, they are successful at almost everything they do, mainly thanks to the media. I have to be honest, I'd like a life like that and in a way I always thought I would.

I always knew I'll have a good life. I knew I'll have my Audi, a nice apartment and a job in a big city. I always wanted to be in a corporation. But now .. I see how it really works. That show exists because it's about the 1 % privileged who just were really lucky.  They say that you have to work hard to become wealthy. I do believe in it. But basically everyone in New York works really hard. And only that 1 % gets lucky. Isn't that crazy? Is then worth it? Is it worth scraping every single penny for rent and a sandwich and not enjoy life? And here it is .. "enjoy life". What is the definition of "enjoying life". Is it being wealthy? Or is it being alive?

Amy sure shows me how to enjoy life. Almost every night after work we have a party or a few drinks. We're happy. We're enjoying life. We have a roof above us, heat, water and food on the plate everyday. We all have jobs in times when the economy is still harsh. But my problem is, that even though I am enjoying it, I want more. I want that fancy life. It's not bad, it's what I want. But I don't think that here it'll come true.

So I'm looking for my Goldenstein. ;)