February 16. One month and 16 days in NYC and I was ready to go on a proper date. I used to be a social butterfly, but the older I am, the more closed up I'm becoming. It is hard for me to meet new people, even harder to talk to men in bars or on the street. Therefore, if a guy smiles at me in the subway, I try to smile back, but look like I'm about to have a seizure. If a guy invites me for a drink in the bar, I talk to him for 10 mins max, take my drink and walk away. I am just too shy, too inconfident and have a huge lack of trust.
I met my date on the most judgmental application that is available for your smartphone - Tinder. For those who don't know, Tinder is an application where you post your picture and a paragraph of your hobbies and what you are looking for and where you live. The application finds the people you are looking for in your area. It shows the picture and the paragraph and if you like how the person looks, you swipe right, if not, left. If you do swipe right and the person did the same for you, the application will let you know "you have a new match" and you can start communicating. So basically you are looking for someone based on visuals only. And the paragraph (which sometimes contains one sentence).
A week before I was desperate to meet some new people. I get along with guys much better than with girls. Also, I am in search of my future husband. So why not get both. I therefore downloaded this dreaded application and started looking. I kept swiping left. Guy with picture of beers - not one beer, multiple beers in hand. Left. Guy with a pretty girl on the picture. Left. Guy with pimples. Left. God, I feel bad. Handsome guy with a collar shirt. Hmmm, let's check his profile. "Looking for sex only. Love women. Don't swipe right if you're looking for something serious." LEFT. At least he's upfront. Left left left. Guy with glasses and a bright smile. Aaah! "Artist, bad-boy romantic, ... blah blah blah... If you're too busy swipe left. Like honestly." He's funny. Right. Ding - you have a new match! Oooh! Four-eyes liked me. :) Ding! Message: "Hey, liked you're profile. How are you today?" And thus began a conversation that turned into him giving me his number right away into hours of texting and laughing. He liked graffiti - so do I. He skateboards - so DID I. He's into art - so am I! His humor was the same, his opinions too. And his name was Joshua.
A week later, therefore today, I had a date with Joshua. I was excited, a little nervous, but not so much, because I felt very comfortable talking to him. But as it goes with online dating, you have some thoughts going through your head - will he be that person? What if he looks totally different. What if it's a woman? What if he's a no-show. What if he's crazy? Is he crazy? Maybe he's creepy. What is a handsome guy doing on Tinder being single? He must be a womanizer. I bet he's a womanizer. I have to be cautious. Yup! And that's how you build your Chinese wall. Then of course comes in the "what am I going to wear?" I don't want to look too overdone, but not sloppy. Since he was an artist and like graffiti and a nerd, I went for the cute nerd look. I wore my long-sleeved colorful shirt, jeans, fluffy boots and polar bear jacket. A little ravy, but not too much.
We were to meet at 181 and Cabrini. I went a little bit later so I wouldn't be there first. I started to feel nervous and slight feeling of social anxiety. "You can always turn around and make an excuse. You don't have to do this. You can stay home." my brain suggested. "No! I'll always be alone then. I have to go!" To calm myself down, I lit up a cigarette. What if he hates smokers? Oh well. That's the part of me. I was half-way there. My stomach turned over. Oh god, I hate this actually. Well, just smile, listen, sip your drink and go. Thank for a nice date and go. Just be there for an hour, say you're busy. I reached the bar and opened the door ...
When I enter somewhere and am supposed to meet someone I really don't know, I pretend like I'm meeting someone I do know. So when I entered the bar, I focused my sight on Peter, the bartender. I looked around the bar swiftly. There was a guy sitting alone on the side and was looking at me...could be him but I wasn't sure. My memory completely shuts down when I'm nervous. And so I headed towards the bar, started waving at Peter, when I heard an "Agnes? Um.. Agnes?" I turned my head to the right where the guy was sitting alone. His eyes went straight through mine and I felt like I'm going to faint. He was cute. I nervously smiled. He got and we went for a hug. Our cheeks touched and I went for the other cheek as I am used to but he apparently wasn't. As I tried to elegantly slide to the other cheek our mouths met and slide awkwardly across each other until I got to the beginning of his cheek and I pulled back. "Oh GOD that was weird! He must think I'm a weirdo!!!" I thought to myself. He awkwardly smiled and I explained myself that the mouth wasn't my intent and that I do the cheek-cheek thing. "Yeah, like he's gonna believe me." I thought. I sat down to the table and grabbed the menu and dig my face in it. In the meanwhile he started talking, asking me questions. He laughed at my jokes. We ordered food and drinks. After food he joined me outside for another cigarette not minding me smoking at all and had one too. Hmmm, tolerant. The date went absolutely swell. We did not shut up and 2 hours passed by. He was half German, half Puerto Rican. He worked as an executive assistant in a law firm in Manhattan and in his free time he painted. In the summer he would skateboard and travel around the U.S. His sister was in Japan in the military. His father left at an early age due to his job. He was raised by his great grandmother, grandmother and Ma. It all sounded really good. Too good.
I was slightly tipsy and didn't want his to spend so much on our date, so we decided to go to my house. I told him that it'll just be a visit, I am not that type of girl that gives up the cookie on the first date. He understood. I was a little bit worried, what if he is a weirdo and kills me or robs me. We'll see. We got to my house, had some drinks and talked and talked. What was weird that there was this inner connection of thoughts. We would say or think the same things. And we would just laugh or "oh my god!!" about it. He was a really positive person. After a bit he went home. He got a peck on the mouth and that was all. I shut the door behind him and smiled. He was great. And if all works well, it'll be a great relationship. Ding! "Thanks for the great night. You are awesome!" he texted.
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